legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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