cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
