wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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