I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
