I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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