I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
