No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
