My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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