Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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