Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
