I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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