he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
