I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
