I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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