I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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