I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
