hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
