Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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