There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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