Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
