he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
