I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
