Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
