So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
