Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I deserve this hangover.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
