you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
