Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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