I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
