what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
