You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
