This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
