Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
