The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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