Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
