I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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