apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
