if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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