U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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