I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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