I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
