apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
