she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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