It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
