I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
