can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
