Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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