I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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