i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
