I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
