hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
