people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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