Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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