if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
