I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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