His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
