Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
