shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
