Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
